by Lady Love
*** This post is of an adult-themed nature ***
When I was in junior high school, a boy once asked me whether I can have sex and
have babies -- because I use a wheelchair. My immediate reaction was, “Yes, of course!”
Then he asked me how and I replied, “Like everyone else!”
Even though I had no personal experience yet, I knew my body enough to know that I could have
sex. Most people probably find his question rude and too direct but I thought he was also open-minded to have at least asked me about sex. My parents and most of my classmates never
talked about sex with me because they assumed that a person with a disability couldn't have sex.
The topic of sexuality and disability is often taboo and not discussed very much. In college, I decided I wanted to find out why able-bodied people did not generally date people with physical disabilities. This interest in this topic then led me to write a research paper about
sexuality and disability. I interviewed
able-bodied people and people with physical disabilities about their sexuality and preferences in regards to disabilities. The results were very telling. One able-bodied interviewee said he had never
thought about dating a woman with a disability because he thought he wouldn’t be able to
have unconventional sex in the kitchen or the closet. I found this response interesting, and also thought to myself, "Hmm... if only he had more
imagination..."
In my research, I learned that society often sees people with
disabilities as asexual beings. This
is a misconception that needs to change. As people
with disabilities, we are experts of our own body and should be proud of it. We cannot let society define beauty for
us. Even though I have scars on my body from
previous surgeries and my legs are skinnier than my upper body, my husband
thinks I am beautiful.
People with
disabilities are sexy and can have fulfilling sex lives. There are also many different AT devices
available that can give them more independence in this intimate arena - items that could even allow for some unconventional sex, too!
Check out these different AT devices that people with
disabilities can look into to enhance their sexual life:
Liberator shapes are effectively pillows and cushions for wedging
and rocking. These can be used to attain a desired position or they can be used
to facilitate the necessary motion for intimacy. Liberator shapes come in many
forms, the most common of which is the wedge. The crescent, the bean bag, and
the double camel humps (not shown) are also useful for achieving new positions.
The intimate rider is
a rocking chair that, with minimal upper body effort, can facilitate a pelvic
thrust. The intimate rider was designed by a c6-c7 quadriplegic and is
also recommended for individuals with stroke, arthritis, back pain, multiple sclerosis, amputation,
and cerebral palsy as well as spinal cord injury. It is suggested for someone
with moderate trunk stability and able to perform transfers however transfer
legs are available for simplification. The Intimate Rider is low to the ground
making many sexual positions accessible and can be purchased with accessories
such as the positioning strap and liberator wedge. The intimate rider is a very
safe alternative to the many variations of the sex swing which may or may not
be stable and supportive.
The thigh sling is made of leather for durability and is easily
folded up for storage. The sling fits snuggly around the neck and has
adjustable, padded loops for thigh straps. This helps a patient maintain an
elevated and open position for easy contact. With creative positioning of
additional leverage the thigh sling requires little to no motor control to
achieve enjoyable sex.
The Body Bouncer is like the Intimate Rider in that it allows a
disabled individual to achieve greater mobility during intimacy while other
positioning devices are simply used to help one hold a given position. The body
bouncer achieves this by using a spring activated seat. With slight momentum
shifts the seated partner can achieve 8-9” of thrusting motion. By allowing the
user to have a more dynamic sexual role the Body Bouncer can help break the
mental barrier that disabled intimacy should only exist in a passive role.
The love bumper is a different take on the previously discussed
Liberator Shapes. Though there are fewer contour designs available for The Love
Bumper it comes with an opening which facilitates the use of a dildo or a
vibrator during intimacy or self pleasure. Choosing the right love bumper shape
and design may depend on the disability and an honest discussion between
partners.
